As we’re all beginning to look for some perspective on our situation, with some days going by since the CDFA announced that they will not conduct further aerial spraying over urban areas, people are starting to share not only their opinions, but also their feelings. Some of my Central Coast neighbors to the south have become my friends during the long months of this public health crisis, and these good people are now having to cope with their experiences of being immorally exposed to biochemicals. Those with whom I’ve spoken are experiencing so many emotions right now, and among those emotions is trauma.

It is for them, and for all Californians who are now coping with symptoms of trauma as a result of CDFAs actions, that I am writing this article.

What is Abuse?
Abuse is an intentional violation of mental or physical health in which the victim is powerless to protect himself from harm. Whether we experience abuse as a child or an adult, the basic scenario is the same: a person takes power into their hands to hurt us and we suffer from their immoral choice.

In general, the most traumatic abuse occurs when the abuser is someone we care about or is an authority figure in our life. While it would be very upsetting to have a crazy stranger run up and punch us in the face or steal our wallet, far more disturbing to most people is when a parent, spouse, family member or friend is the abuser. It is also extremely traumatic when the abuser is a teacher, a boss, a minister or government agency – these are authority figures who are supposed to be deeply interested in our well-being, and when they misuse their positions of power, they are acting in an abusive manner.

Why is Abuse Traumatic?
As humans, we come into this world helpless and dependent, and in a good situation, we quickly come to trust that our parents will respect our rights and needs so that we can survive and grow. We carry this wonderful sense of safety and trust with us until our first encounters with misguided people who are willing to abuse us for some gain of their own.

It is my strongly held belief that an encounter with abuse breaks something inside of us. When a child, a woman or man is abused, a line is crossed that should never be crossed. Our trust is broken, and it is my considered opinion that, even with the best therapy, that breakage can never be fully repaired. It’s a case of not being able to go back to before the abuse happened, a case of having learned something about life that we can never fully forget.

Physical injury and psychological suffering are grievous hurts while they are taking place, but I have come to believe that the most traumatic aspect of abuse for many sentient people lies in the fact that we have encountered something so ugly and frightening about our own species. When a relative or authority figure abuses us they teach us that it is possible for human beings to do these things.

I think this is the heart of trauma. Abusers force us to look at the ugliest possibilities of mankind, and if we are moral creatures, we hate what we see there.

I think it is this repugnance and fear that causes denial to be so often inextricably linked with abuse. “Daddy, Mommy, Grandma, Husband, Pastor Bob, Mrs. Jones, Governor Johnson couldn’t really be bad people,” we want to say, because we don’t want to face that someone we have trusted could really intend to harm us. In fact, it is a well documented phenomenon that victims of abuse often resort to blaming themselves rather than placing the blame where it belongs on their abuser. There is an evident desire in us not to face the bad in our own kind.

Why do we do this? Why bend over backward to deny, ignore or excuse abuse, even to the point of blaming ourselves for having been victimized? I have two thoughts on this.

1) We are attempting to avoid the trauma of admitting that our trust was broken.

2) We are attempting to avoid the trauma of recognizing that all people, even ourselves, are capable of harmful actions.

It is frightening to know that people can be evil, because it means that we, too, could be this way. It makes our world feel less secure, less controllable. Many of us, understandably, cling hard to the belief that all people are basically good. It is incredibly traumatic when, holding fast to this belief, someone comes along and proves us wrong, showing us that people can go to the dark side and become abusers. It’s something no one would want to see and something we feel abhorrence over recognizing the potential for in our own selves. And, yet, I believe that it is only in recognizing this scary potential that we can truly take the power of choice into our own hands. Only in knowing that we are capable of both good and evil actions do we realize we have an intelligent choice to act for good. Ethical people make this choice every day, in countless ways.

Why the Victimizer is Really the Victim
It’s horrible to be abused. The consequences of a single act of physical or psychological trespass can last a lifetime. And yet, which of us would trade places with an abuser? Which of us would rather do the harming than be harmed? Which of us would like to shoulder the responsibility and guilt of harming another living being…or thousands of living beings?

A moment ago, I wrote that many of us hold fast to the belief that all people are basically good. Without a doubt, all people are born perfectly guiltless, innocent and full of the potential for wonderful good. But then things happen to people as they grow. Experiences in their lives coarsen, harden and derange people, and this is a truth we can’t deny. How often have we heard a criminal testify that he or she was horrifically abused as a child? Terrible things have to happen to transform an unblemished infant into a sociopath. If a grown man is incapable of recognizing the worth and rights of his fellow beings, it may be because his own were never validated somewhere along the way. Something was broken in him, or never trained to grow in a healthy, humane way.

I’m not going to excuse the religious leader who steals from his congregation, the husband who batters his wife or the government agent who poisons his neighbors, but I am ready to pity, deeply, these people. Something has gone terribly wrong with them on the path of life, and by becoming abusers, they have gone down a dreadfully wrong road, for whatever reason. I wouldn’t trade places with them for any price. It is, in fact, with tremendous gratefulness that I realize that I am capable of both good and evil and am able, with effort, to choose good to the best of my ability. Abusers fail to see that choice, or if they do see it, they are too weak to choose good. This is why I feel pity for them and why I call victimizers the true victims.

As much as the people of California condemn the abuse we have suffered at the hands of government, at least we are not the condemned, the guilty ones. So many of us have wondered how the politicians and agents were sleeping at night, knowing they were going to poison millions of innocent people. It’s nothing short of a human tragedy that anyone could be so lost to goodness, so overcome by temptation to act out harm, so utterly amoral.

Were We Abused?
In a word – yes. If you suffered physical or emotional damages from the actions of the California Department of Food and Agriculture, you were absolutely abused, and I want you to hear me validate this. The key to abuse, in my eyes, is intention. At this point in modern history, our species knows enough about pesticides to understand they are poisonous, and I am totally unwilling to excuse anyone working for the government or agricultural agencies as having somehow missed the day in school when they taught us that pesticides damage lifeforms. So, this choice to spray pesticides on people was made with the knowledge that harm would result. CDFA intended to benefit from an abusive action.

I have determined that this situation cannot be likened to accidentally stepping on a bug and killing it without meaning to. Such a scenario isn’t one of abuse because we caused harm unknowingly. Too much is now understood about pesticides to make any scenario including them an unknowing situation. Yes, we were abused by authority figures who knew we would be damaged and made the choice to damage us.

Apart from the damages actually suffered, I think it’s especially revealing to note just how many of our neighbors were in denial about what was happening. I was amazed by the comments I read on news articles over the months about LBAM spray. There was always, always some segment of the public loudly proclaiming that the frightened citizens were crazy and that our government would never harm us. I have learned that where this type of loud denial is present, abuse is often going on. The loudest ones are likely striving hardest to feel reassured, to feel safe, to feel that everything is really okay, even if that means ignoring their own danger.

The people of the Central Coast have lost the power of denial, in so many ways. When the CDFA stepped boldly into their lives and began poisoning their families, they lost the comfort of believing that our government is basically good. The world has become a much scarier place for all of them, having been forced to face that the United States government could harm its own people. The consequences of this recognition will be far reaching and generational. Something has been broken.

Living with Trauma
Feeling frightened, depressed, angry, hurt, overwhelmed, fatigued, conflicted, betrayed? If you’ve lived through the past year in California, it’s no wonder if you are now feeling these and other difficult emotions. It is very natural, in the face of what you’ve experienced, to feel this way. Abuse is traumatic. But we won’t let these feelings overcome us. Our first duty, in caring for ourselves and our dear ones, is to admit that we have experienced abuse. It’s an essential first step to say this to yourself and to your family. Once we know what we are dealing with, we can then take proactive steps to help ourselves, and I have some suggestions that I hope will be helpful to you in living with this trauma.

1) It is my personal belief that the best counter-action to abuse is the development of a strong spiritual life. Jesus taught that we would have the helper of a guiding and holy spirit – an advocate – in our sufferings and struggles. Gandhi taught that we are all children of God, beloved by our creator. The Buddha taught that suffering is part of life on Earth. Native American faiths are full of devotions to a just and all-knowing Great Spirit who is watching over us all of our days. For me, my faith in a divine and totally loving Creator lifts me out of this world and tells me that the hurts I suffer here are temporary. Nothing that any man chooses to do to me here on Earth can take me away from the incomprehensible love and care of my Creator. It gives me a perspective on this life that guarantees a happy ending, for lack of a better description. It enables me to view evil doers with compassion and mercy and the understanding that if they really valued the gift of life, they would never choose to act destructively. Coming to believe that the trust you put in your Creator is a trust that can never be broken can be incredibly healing after trust is broken by a human abuser.

2) Gifted humanitarians and psychologists have published scores of books on the subject of abuse. It may be helpful to you to go to the library or bookstore and obtain a selection of books on the subjects of child and spousal abuse. In reading these books, you can put the CDFA in the place of the abuser, and I believe the teachings and lessons will be accurate and valuable to you. I am not aware of any books that deal specifically with the trauma of governmental abuse, but the feelings experienced by the sufferer will be akin, and you may also find volumes on the subject of the post traumatic stress syndrome experienced by survivors of a war to be helpful. If you or a loved one is experiencing strong feelings of depression, anger or suicidal thoughts, I urge you to seek professional therapy. Even if your feelings are milder, talking out your emotions with a counselor could be very helpful to you.

3) Know that you are not alone. You are not only surrounded by neighbors who have shared your traumatic experience, but the people of history have stood in your shoes again and again. Government abuse of innocent people is, sadly, nothing new. Think about the historical tyranny of evil kings over the ‘peasant’ class, the British Empire’s cruel occupation of most of the East, the European occupation of the Americas and the subsequent genocide of the Native Peoples. I believe ethical people feel shattered by this kind of abuse because it is an encounter with evil and looking into the face of evil is terrifying. I think it is empowering to take a realist view of the fact that evil appears to have been around for as long as people have. Being wounded by evil doesn’t make you different, somehow woefully set apart from the rest of mankind. Rather, it makes you just like your ancestors who had to face battles like this in their lives, who had to fight for their lives, for the survival of their people, for their rights. Abuse has the power to alienate us from life and society if we fail to recognize that most of the people around us are also in a state of recovery from one abuse or another. Reach out for help and know that you will be understood by the right people.

4) When an act of physical abuse happens, the victim is often powerless to defend himself. The people of Monterey and Santa Cruz could not stop those planes once they took off, without resorting to violence themselves. And, because our government has become corrupt in an endeavor to protect corporate interests rather than constitutional rights or human health, we have faced an opponent that is capable of punishing us for simply trying to protect ourselves. I think many of us are living in fear of our government at this point, having witnessed what they are capable of. This fear might render us powerless.

Let us recognize that, in fact, we are not powerless. Our non-violent outrage has created progress. As of the past week’s announcement that urban cities will not be aerially sprayed, we are one step closer to demanding that the constitution be upheld. We are discovering that we can force amoral agencies to act in a manner that is respectful of our inalienable right to safety. The 2007 spraying happened so quickly, the innocent people had little time to mobilize, but that has now changed. We have used these past months to agitate, to protest, to work for the change we need to see. The powerlessness is over. Recognizing that you can work to protect yourself is an acknowledgment that you have some power to stop further abuse. Hold onto that realization.

5) There is a very disturbing element to the abuse of the Central Coast people and I believe it needs to be discussed here. It is my understanding that the biochemical assault has caused prolonged or permanent harm to some citizens. In a physical attack, a victim may suffer only bruises that go away, or they may be permanently maimed. I am inexpressibly troubled about the long term health effects of exposure to Checkmate. If you were exposed and your health has been permanently damaged, research is likely to be your most helpful ally. It may be difficult to find medical help. Many traditional doctors will refuse to recognize chemical injury. Such doctors will not be helpful to you. But, as we have seen, other doctors have willingly stepped forward to proclaim the harm of these chemicals, and you may need to seek help from them. Alternative medicine may also offer tremendous help to you in working to regain better health after your exposure. Herbs, diet, exercise and other resources may help you to heal. You will need to research this and reach out for help wherever you can find it.

In today’s toxic world, we are all being exposed to harmful substances, whether from cars, agriculture, manufacture or other sources. Pesticide injury is extremely common, and what you learn may prove very helpful not only to yourself but to others. As we all work to halt the use of pesticides in California, you can commit not only to finding help for your own injuries, but to helping others with theirs.

6) Lastly, I believe it will help you to make a conscious commitment not to become like your opponent. One of the greatest tragedies of abuse is that it becomes generational. The abused girl becomes the abusive mother. The assaulted village becomes the future attacker. This unhappy phenomenon works both ways. Once upon a time, a man who didn’t keep his word became a social outcast. He was viewed with contempt by society. But now, in America, so many men have broken their promises on so many fronts that we have become jaded and expect our politicians, advertisers, and business people to lie to us. The abuse of promise-breaking has been allowed to take root and fester. It’s epidemic in both private and public life in the 21st century and continues to be passed on from generation to generation. Conversely, corporal punishment was once the norm of the American public school system. Rods, canes and paddles adorned the walls of the principal’s office. If an educator strikes a child now, he goes to jail. Our society has become intolerant of the abuse of children, and this change for the better will be passed on to future generations.

There is a terrible urge in all of us to strike back when we are injured. A potential response to the aerial assault of California would be a physical war against the government…a descent into unforgivable violence. On a more individual level, the experience of having our worth so disregarded that someone poisoned us might make us so angry we might strike out against our family and friends, using our bad experience as an excuse to be abusive to others.

Let’s make a better choice. I believe it will help you to intellectually choose not to pass on the abuse you have experienced. Rather, let this experience of suffering nourish your compassion for all who are suffering. The flip side to abuse causing further violence is abuse creating incredibly kind, considerate and passive people who would never inflict their own wounds on another living being. Recognize the abuse, but choose not to repeat it.

In Conclusion
The United States of America is only a few centuries old. We are not so far removed from the concept of government by the people and for the people that we cannot get back to these values. In realizing that the president, the so-called environmental agencies and the state agencies are actually our employees, the possibility of firing them if they don’t abide by the law of the land becomes more real to us. Only the most insecure boss would let his own employees abuse him. In this case, we are the boss.

I realize it’s a lot more complicated than this, and that our government has gotten incredibly out of hand with its abuses of the power we give them. But I am making the decision to believe that we can change America’s values. As the polar ice cap melts and 1960′s DDT flows out of the water into Canada, we can point our finger at the corporations who created such a deadly substance and vow that these entities will no longer be permitted to endanger our bodies and our planet. I believe the time is coming when a re-ordering of our priorities will be required. A nibble on your lettuce or pesticides flowing out of the tap in your kitchen? Bird song or eerily weed-free lawns? Life or gasoline?
We’ve got decisions to make.

And the abuse we’ve suffered, seeing what greed and a bloodthirsty human impulse for control and power does to innocent people, can be a transforming experience for us. It can be the horrible moment in our past that decided us, once and for all, to give our allegiance to the light, not the dark, side. It can be the guiding spirit that lights our way through the struggle we all know we still have to face with CDFA and their continued, unacceptable fouling of our habitat. As we continue to demand justice, urging California to adopt new values and hear our story, our trauma can be our truth.